$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
