I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
