The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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