I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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