her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
