Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
just tell him i said nine months
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
