I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
