I think I just saw someone hide a body.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
