Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
