Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
