we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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