for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
