shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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