Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
