ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
