Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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