He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
