Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I want her autograph on my taint
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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