hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
