Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
