Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
