ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
