I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
