the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
