I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
