I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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