I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
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Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
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I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize