I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
