I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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