I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize