: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize