you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
