made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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