Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
