How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
