We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
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