he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
