I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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