I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
