He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
