So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
