He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
