My room smells like vodka and shame
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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