Umm I'm too high to move.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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