i may or may not be watching the land before time
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
