I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
