I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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