i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
smell my finger.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
