I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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