i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
