..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
