you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
