I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
