she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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