Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Randomize
