No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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