i need an iv and a liver transplant
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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