I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
