Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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