Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
