what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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