Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
