I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
