I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
